Summer so far. . .

So far my summer consists of studying history, math, GRE prep, cardio and strength training, watching the news (big surprise, right?), driving my brother to work, housework, grocery shopping, paying bills (yawn. . . damn I'm boring).  But I am looking forward to two weeks in Vegas.  Luckily I have lots of cousins in from out of town while I am there too)  and when I come back to Texas I will be apartment hunting and moving.  I'm just not cut out to share space with 3 guys, and I think my brother and I will be better friends when we can choose the time we spend together.  This changes things for me financially.  I will need to work the next two semesters but I will have more peace and quiet so it is an even trade, I think.  

Today we are withdrawing most of our troops from Iraq, finally. . .

In light of this fact, I'd like to share something I read recently from a book entitled: "Imperial Hubris: Why the West is Losing the War on Terror".  The writer, who worked in American intelligence concerning the middle east states as follows: "I must candidly say that I abhor aggressive wars like the one we waged in Iraq; it is NOT our character for America in terms of our history, sense of morality, and basic decency. This is not to argue that preemption is unneeded against immediate threats like bin Laden, al Qaeda, but the U.S. invasion of Iraq was not preemption; it was like our war with Mexico in 1846 - an avaricious, premeditated, unprovoked war against a foe who posed no immediate threat but whose defeat did offer economic advantages. Disclaimers issued by the [Bush] White House notwithstanding, this war has not been thrust upon us. We have chosen it. [Under the Bush administration] The U.S. did not view force as something to be used as a last resort. There is a word for this. It is called militarism." 

At this point, we can't just add a scoop of morality to our dealings with Iraq and call it good.  We can't unring a bell. But we can learn a lesson here.  We believe in democracy (even though we haven't perfected it yet) but it doesn't work for everyone.  Perhaps we can facilitate peace in other countries by taking into account their desires and what would work for them. 

Our freedom, our democracy has never been in danger as far as Iraq is concerned like we have heard from Bush's WH and some media.  It was never about that.  We have all been manipulated.  How does it feel? It is time for some introspection, America, why don't we see if our humanity and intelligence can grow to reach the level of our hubris. Sure, I believe in American exceptionalism, likewise so does the Iraqi and Iranian and French and Brit believe their countries are exceptional too. 

Summer Vegas Trip

I will be in Las Vegas July 14th.  Hope to see many of you soon!

Growing up to Michael Jackson

When I was 11 I had a poster of Michael Jackson on my wall. He was wearing a yellow sweater vest.  It was one of the several he took after doing the Thriller album.  I loved both Thriller and Off the Wall.  I loved almost every song. I tried to mimic, like everyone else, the thriller video dance.  I just thought he was magic.  I used to fantasize about being his special friend, sharing our feelings with each other.  I researched all I could about his life. I continued to read about his life, and watch interviews throughout the decades since 1982.  Michael Jackson was the first black person I believed was harmless and kind. (I grew up in a rough North Las Vegas area until age 12. My father was very bigoted and my mother was not present in any real way). Michael's gentle, innocent way he looked at the world was so endearing to me. 

Over the years, as I grew into adulthood, I certainly found his behavior to be strange and eccentric, even odd and unnatural. When I learned that he invited children to be close to him after he was accused and acquitted of child molestation, I considered him to have very poor judgment. 

But I'd like all to read this blog to consider this: Michael was exploited at the age of 10 and has been ever since. First by his parents. He was beaten if he did not get his dance steps right, since he was the lead in Jackson 5, he had to work harder to learn the songs and be perfect and did not get a chance to play like the other children did when they were younger before the family entered the music business.  I believe his emotional growth had been stunted. In fact, when I saw him dangling his infant over the rail of his hotel room in Berlin to the fans below, I did not see a crazy person, I saw a 10 year old boy who wanted to please the hundreds of people chanting to see the child.  Neverland is evidence that Michael was attempting during his life to finish and put closure on the childhood he never had and come to terms with his losses. 

Why didn't we see his lack, his pain, during his life.  We were so quick to judge his odd behavior.  Surely someone within his inner circle had the power to get him into some serious drug free, intensive counseling.  I know Deepak Chopra cared and tried several times, but he wasn't close enough to help him. All of those doctors, family members, and other parasites hanging around and watching him implode over the years should have done an intervention. With enough unconditionally loving people in the room, he would have listened.  They didn't because of their greed.

I believe that Michael was just a lost little boy in a man's body, who hated the way he looked due to being teased mercilessly by family and later by fans that he was ugly and his nose was too big.  I believe Michael loved children because they were unconditionally accepting of him.  I believe Michael never had a chance for happiness without serious long term counseling. I believe that Michael would never knowingly hurt a child.  He directed so much money and artistic energy to helping children.  I doubt that few adults really understood him and was kind to him. Most people tried to use and exploit him, even after his death. 

His father shamelessly plugged his new record company at a press conference about Michael's autopsy and funeral arrangements today; seemingly unaware of how disgusting his behavior truly is.  I blame him.  I blame his weak mother who expected Michael to accept a childhood of work and fear without complaint.  I really believe these two people should be criminally prosecuted for it.  It was child abuse!  

I blame myself as well.  I could have tried harder to understand why his behavior was so peculiar.  He gave me so much good stuff.  Maybe I could have sent him letters offering support and friendship and understanding over the years instead of blindly judging him.  I am sorry I judged him so harshly and I am sorry it took me so long to realize it. I really did not know the death of a stranger could affect me as it has.  But I have cried over the tragedy that was his life. I have cried over the callousness displayed by his father, and his weak family.  The only comfort I have is knowing that God will give him the peace and unconditional love he never had in this life. 

Girls' night out In Austin. June 2009

This is Jennifer.  She is an awesome student. Way smarter than me, if that is possible. She very evolved and a very loyal friend.  And she's got this sexy librarian thing goin on. Check us out!

Iran's History and Our Involvement

Everyone knows, or should know by now that I am a news junky.  I watch msnbc and cnn so much I know what lame comments Pat Buchanan will make and which of the cnn pundits are most knowledgeable and in what capacity. For the record, David Gergen "is the shiz".

So, Iran has been all over the news. The web has provided Iranians with unprecidented access to world opinion and an ability to communicate their greivances with the rest of the world. Clearly, the younger generation, which comprises the majority of Iran's people, want more connection with the outside world and actual freedom. Until recently, I did not know much about Iran's history, policies, and differing attitudes towards other countries. And since I have some extra time right now and an annoying passion of late for foreign affairs, I thought I'd share the nutshell version of what I have learned. Of course, the information contained below is a brief summary, not particularly vetted and edited by me based on what this westernized, Christian, bleeding heart liberal, female college student deems worthy of focus.

Iran’s History in General: I find Iran’s history to be very complicated and interesting. Iran had a civilization since 3000 BCE. Many moons ago it was called Persia and consisted of Azerbaijan, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Turkmenistan, Tajikistan, Uzbekistan, and the eastern parts of Turkey and Iraq. Persia has been invaded and has had its territory altered throughout the centuries by Arabs, Turks, Mongols, British, Russians, Greeks, and others.

The original and oldest religion in Persia was Zoroastrian. There are just a few of them left today because in 633 the Islamic conquest forced most everyone to convert to Islam. Interesting, huh?  The time in history determines if you are an innocent victim or a treacherous warlord. 

For centuries Iran experienced foreign occupation and short-lived native dynasties, (kings are called Shahs). In 1501 Iran became an independent state by the Safavid dynasty who established Shi'a Islam as the official religion of their empire. A monarchy prevailed from 1501 until the 1979 Iranian revolution, when Iran officially became an Islamic Republic in 1979. (Maybe I don’t know anything about a republic form of government, but it sure looks like a theocracy from where I am standing).

But let’s back up for a moment. Remember Genghis Khan?  This was the Mongol dude that invaded Iran around 1218 and slaughtered millions and millions of people. The population went from 2,500,000 to 250,000.  Man, no wonder these people are pissed off. Everyone has f*%#$ed with them since the beginning of time.

Anyway, over the course of 3,000 years, Iran has been a monarchy, republic (in name only), and a theocracy with struggles for power between. All of these invasions led to an interesting recipe. Keep in mind that religion and culture altered somewhat with each invasion.

Currently, the recipe looks like this: “Persian 51%, Azeri 24%, Gilaki and Mazandarani 8%, Kurd 7% and Arab 3%. Iran is a Muslim country, with 89% Shi'a and 10% Sunni Muslims. The remaining 1% belong to Jewish, Bahai and Zoroastrian faiths. The Bahai and Zoroastrian faiths originated in Iran. Major Languages of Iran are Persian (Fars) and Persian dialects 58%, Turkic and Turkic dialects 26%, Kurdish 9%, Luri 2%, Baluchi 1%, and Arabic 1% . . .” (http://www.mideastweb.org/iranhistory.htm)

Pretty much all of the above nationalities can claim a majority in Iran if they are pointing to a particular time in Iran’s history, but originally, the people of Iran/Persia were Persian and their religion was Zoroastrian. So all this bs about the divinity of Islam and the claim that only Islam can save mankind is pretty shaky . . . just as the argument made by any Christian or Jewish faith. Full stop.

Modern political history and current political climate:  So we know that Iran was ruled by Shahs until 1979. Well, Reza Shah, an almost effective Shah ruled for almost 16 years until September 16, 1941, when he was forced to abdicate by the Anglo-Soviet invasion of Iran. He established an authoritarian government that valued nationalism, militarism, secularism and anti-communism combined with strict censorship and state propaganda. Perhaps with the disharmony at the time with the clerics, muslims, etc., this was the best he could do. Anyway, “Reza Shah introduced many socio-economic reforms, reorganizing the army, government administration, and finances. To his supporters his reign brought "law and order, discipline, central authority, and modern amenities - schools, trains, buses, radios, cinemas, and telephones".  However, his attempts of modernisation have been criticised for being "too fast" and "superficial", and his reign a time of "oppression, corruption, taxation, lack of authenticity" with "security typical of police states."

During WWI, because of Iran’s oil, Russians and the British occupied Iran to support fuel needs of the war.  British picked the next Shah, who liked the British more than the Germans, which was son Mohammad Reza Shah Pahlavi who ruled until 1979.  By the way, after WWII, Russia promised to leave, but stayed until 1946 and wouldn’t leave unless Iran gave them oil. Pahlavi gave much of his power to parliament but parliament was corrupt and never really got it together.

US and Iran: Ever since the Brits were there, they were taking 50% of their oil and a prime minister named Mohammed Mossaddeq tried to nationalize Iran’s oil. With the help of the US, the Brits got rid of him.  Perhaps not the most honorable of calls for the US.  We convinced Iranian Shah to enter into an agreement with an international consortium of foreign companies which ran the Iranian oil facilities for the next 25 years spitting profits fifty-fifty with Iran but not allowing Iran to audit their accounts or have members on their board of directors. “In 1957 martial law was ended after 16 years and Iran became closer to the West, joining the Baghdad Pact and receiving military and economic aid from the US. In 1961, Iran initiated a series of economic, social, agrarian and administrative reforms to modernize the country that became known as the Shah's White Revolution”.  Arguably, this was the most prosperous and free the people of Iran have ever been. 

Iranian Revolution in 1979:  So the Shah Pahlavi at the time had a big ego and threw a lavish party for himself in 1967. The economy has never been very good due to invasions, internal conflicts between the different cultures, despite the reality that Iran has 10% of the world’s oil and gas.  People were pissed off so the Shah suppressed and marginalized his opponents with the help of Iran's security and intelligence organization, the SAVAK, using arbitrary arrest, imprisonment, exile and torture. 

This made the religious leader Ayatollah Khomeini decided to get people to overthrow the Shah, which they did. Meanwhile, back at the ranch the Shah was ill with cancer and came to the US for treatment.  Khomeini decided the Shah was gonna get US support to take back Iran so Khomeini demanded the US extradite him and the US refused. So Khomeini had some students storm the embassy and take 66 US hostages.  We didn’t dig that, see? And we haven’t had a good relationship with Iran since then.  The Ayatollah Khomeini and other clerics delivered extremist and threatening speeches against the United States and against its Persian Gulf allies. On the other hand, the government still headed by Bazargan (the prime minister at the time) tried to maintain good relations with the United States, especially as US supply of spare parts for the army and the oil industry that was desperately needed.

So, in retaliation for taking US hostages, President Carter froze several billion dollars of Iranian assets held by American banks in the United States and abroad. We tried to rescue the hostages but failed. Carter was blamed. Iran wouldn’t release our hostages until we had a new President, which was Reagan.

The Ayatollah preached that the people needed to get closer to God and things would be good but the Ayatollah wasn’t very effective as a leader and the economy got much worse and people’s freedoms even more constricted.  

In 1980 Iran and Iraq had a war. Iraq, under Saddam Hussein used poisonous gas on the Iranians and killed a million or more. We financially supported Iraq. I’d say we made the wrong call there. In 1988 the war finally ended.

Ayatollah Khomeini died on June 3, 1989 of a heart attack. President Ali Khamenei assumed the role of supreme spiritual leader. (Yep, a President got to be supreme leader).

Most recently, Shi'a Iran does not support the Sunni Al-Qaeda terrorist network, and has cooperated in arresting al-Qaeda members. However, Iran supports terror groups including the Lebanese Hizbolla, the Islamic Jihad in Gaza and the West Bank and other groups in Egypt, Algeria and elsewhere. Iranian intelligence is said to be behind the bombing of a Jewish center in Argentina.  In the 1980s, Iran apparently inspired bombing of the US embassy and marine barracks in Lebanon, and Iranian funded groups kidnapped numerous American and other Europeans and held them as hostages.

Iran and Nuclear Power: Russia sold them their reactor. They have enriched uranium which would fuel a nuclear weapon. Since this country is rich in fossil fuels, the International Atomic Energy Agency didn’t buy Iran’s assertion that they needed nuclear energy and gave Iran until October 31, 2003 to submit a full account of its nuclear program, and also asked for the right to snap inspections and other measures. After initial resistance, Iran complied, submitting the report ahead of time, and agreeing also to suspend the upgrading of uranium.

The current President: So we know that the Supreme Leader holds the real power.  And we know they call themselves a republic (a parliament, judges, mayors, etc.). In the Iranian presidential election, 2005 Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the mayor of Tehran, became the sixth president of Iran, who can serve two terms of 4 years each. Ahmadinajad (almonds in a jar) kisses the Ayatollah’s hand, and his booty, apparently. Houssein Mousave, his apponent in the 2009 election had to be vetted by the Ayatollah to run for President, so the presidential election is really not of huge significance. However, it does seem that the Ayatollah does listen to Ahmadinijad at times.  Mousave is more liberal of the two but would really have little power to keep the promises of equality to women that he pledged.

The real change would occur if the people were able somehow to rise up and overthrow the Ayatollah and perhaps a real democratic republic can take root. Perhaps when the Ayatollah dies, this would make things easier. If we wanted to get involved in a constructive way, perhaps we could talk to the expediency council which mediates between Supreme Leader and Parliament to come to a compromise so the people can have more freedoms and the rioting can stop, but I am not convinced that even this interference would not cause the establishment to penalize the people even more. 

Now Ahmadinijad doesn’t like us cause he eats from the Ayatollah’s hand. Nor does he like the British, nor Israel very much.  Much has been said about him being a holocaust denier but he actually didn’t deny that it happened, he just doesn’t think it was that significant. From his perspective, perhaps the Mongol invasion in Iran was worse. (It’s all relative, I guess). Further, Ahmadinijad has been the dude pushing for nuclear capabilities. The clerics find it to be “unislamic”. Interesting twist. Ahmadinijad has sucked as a president.  After his first term, the economy was worse, human rights were worse, woman were worse off. Women can be stoned for infidelity and have no say if their husbands take additional wives. He’s been accused of corruption and favoritism. So, on one hand it would be better for him not to be President but just like when they got rid of the Shah, and the Ayatollah took power, things could get worse.

It seems to me that each time the US intervenes in some way, it gets worse for the people of Iran.  

So what is the US interest?: 1-that Iran does not become nuclear-ly armed; 2-democracy to prevail; 3-some would say: oil. The last one really sucks. This is why focusing on renewable forms of energy is so important. We can’t be like the Brits and just steal Iran's oil. 

President Obama, who apparently knows his world history . . . and because he’s a scholarly kind of dude, will speak today. I hope he can illuminate this topic for us and bring us to an understanding.  There is no reason to for us to have infighting about Iran. And I doubt there would be much if we took the time to educate ourselves. We have made some bad calls in the past. We need to be very thoughtful in our approach to Iran and if it is best for the people of Iran to just provide moral support, then that should be our guide, not any monetary interest. As usual, I agree with Obama's perspective and think his heart and head are in the right place.

A Brief History of Iranian Politics

Everyone knows, or should know by now that I am a news junky.  I watch msnbc and cnn so much I know what lame comments Pat Buchanan will make and which of the cnn pundits are most knowledgeable and in what capacity. For the record, David Gergen "is the shiz". 

So, Iran has been all over the news. The web  has provided its people with unprecidented access to world opinion and taking advantage of their new ability to communicate with the rest of the world. The younger generation, which comprises the majority of its people, want more connection with the outside world. Until recently, I did not know much about Iran's history, policies, and differing attitudes towards other countries. And since I have some extra time right now and an annoying passion of late for foreign affairs, I thought I'd share the nutshell version of what I have learned. Of course, the info contained below is a brief summary, not particularly vetted and edited by me based on what this westernized, christian, liberal, female college student deems worthy of focus. 

Iran had a civilization since 3000 BCE. Many moons ago it was called Persia and consisted of Azerbaijan, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Turkmenistan, Tajikistan, Uzbekistan, and the eastern parts ofTurkey and Iraq.

Dean's List

I made the fall 2009 Dean's List. Yea me!

Rahm Emanuel said:

"Rule One: Never allow a crisis to go to waste. They are opportunities to do big things."

July Visit to Las Vegas.

Peter has threatened to bring me home this summer for two weeks in July.  After I take my CLEP and audit algebra, I'll need a break from studying.  I hope to see y'all then!

Joy and Gratitude

I think that gratitude is probably the best feeling I can have.  It is so close to the feeling of joy for me.  Today I feel so grateful.  For my life.  For my health. For my life's lessons. For the times I can relax and not worry and feel content and happy with who I have become.  I feel grateful for the love of family and friends and goodness in the hearts of so many people that have influenced me. And of course for the Lord.  It just isn't possible to live through what I have, and find peace and joy in life and not know that the Lord lives and loves me. 

My favorite book right now is by Dr. Seuss. Thanks Tami. I read it all the time.

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course, 
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH! 
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don' t
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself 
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek, 
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course, 
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

---Dr. Seuss

Austin anyone?

Hey there peeps.  I am going to be very flexible with my schedule this summer so if anyone wants to come to visit Austin this summer. I'll be meet ya at the airport. So far, Kristalle Herda is thinking about it and Mark Garry is planning for August. I'd love to see some friends and family in Austin, since I am not going to be able to travel home this summer. 

Second Semester Grades. Two more to go. . . .

Aesthetic Experience - A

College Algebra - D

Cognitive Psychology - A

Personality Approach Psychology - A

World Literature - B

I'll be auditing College Algebra this summer for lectures only.  I need to study for the GRE and there is a math section on the exam. Wish me luck.  Even though this semester was hell, it's still better than anything else I can be doing with my life. 

Going back to school at whatever age and whatever cost. . .I highly recommend it. I'll be paying my student loans until retirement.

First 100 Days!

If you think President Obama is doing a good job as President, please go to www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29493093/ and vote on their poll. 

Quote courtesy of Carolyn Osborn

Light gives of itself freely, filling all available space.  It does not seek anything in return; it asks not whether you are friend or foe.  It gives of itself and is not thereby diminished.  ~Michael Strassfeld

Whaaaaaattt!!!!

"Teabagging", really. Can we call the new party the "teabaggers"? Do you think Rush Limbaugh "teabags". Ha ha ha! Hilarious! Is anyone thinking over there?

And, as an aside: "Does anyone believe it was a "completely spontaneous" demonstration, grassroots even. Yeah, right, with big corps funding it and Fox News promoting it for 2 months. Glenn Beck even said he would consider speaking at your venue if there was a big enough turn out. Are these guys so desperate that they've decided personal integrity is a luxury but no longer absolute necessary for their cause. I wonder if they have considered that most of these demonstrations are being held in parks, that taxpayers pay for. But they don't want to pay taxes. Seems a little hypocritical to me. But maybe that is just me.

. . .okay, back to teabagging. . . C'Mon, Glenn Beck probably knows the connotation. You know he has to be a freak! Maybe he can stop his alligator tears long enough to laugh at the paradox. Anderson Cooper said it best tonight: "It's really hard to talk when you are teabagging". But maybe you could be chanting in your head "No taxation without Representation!".

Can't freakin' wait for the Colbert Report! I won't have to do any situps tonight. I'll get my workout by laughing my bootie off!

The Murley Family. . .

A few posts ago I mentioned a band named "Someone Like You". Well, the lead singer/rhythm guitarist and I have become friendly.  A few days ago, he invited me to meet his family in Center Point.  I'd already met his parents, who are really fun, when they were taking in the band like I was a couple weeks ago.  I have to say. . .I had a really great time!  It was like a Jolley Christmas program but with wine instead of punch, expletives instead of prayers and live acoustic concert of songs like "Wonderwall", "Babylon", "I'm Yours" instead of piano lead hymns.  They are really very down to earth, warm and genuine people. Definitely the quality of people I would welcome as friends for life.  Here are some photos. Sherry is the mom, and Josh's brother is Shane, who also has a beautiful singing voice and plays the guitar. These guys together are a big scoop of goofy charm. 

Facebook

Hello Friends and Family: 

If you are a facebooker, you can find me there now.  Adieu.

Lunch with Fred at Rails

I had lunch today with Fred Gamble, the VP of Administration and Finance at the university. He is beyond wonderful.  I always enjoy our talks.  What a great friend he has become!  Before we left the restaurant, he pulled a "Peter" and surreptitiously paid the check for another student lunching nearby. Made me smile and remember fondly all the times Peter has done exactly that.  I hope these two gentlemen get an opportunity to meet someday. 

Mid-Term Grades Are In.

College Algebra     C

World Literature  A

Psych-Personality A

Psych-Cognitive    A

Aesthetic Exp.       B

Schreiner Democrats

For the last two months I have been laboring to activate the Schreiner Democrats. After 6 interest meetings, three meetings with advisors and tons of university wide emails, I have finally located 8 people to commit to membership for the semester.  I will be submitting paperwork to the organizational department after Spring Break. We are required to host one social event and one service project per semester to remain in good standing. I look forward to helping the other democrats gain more exposure on campus, and the values for which the party stands. I'll keep ya'll posted on our progress.

Happy Birthday Scott!

I hope it is memorable. 

Mark Garry where are you?

I saw your facebook page.  Interesting, progressive, but not enough of the real you depicted. I miss you. . . you need to call me.

Inspiration. . .

I haven't had cause to write anything provocative or otherwise interesting for some time.  I am just soaking up life's experiences like a sponge, attempting to feel each moment as it comes and being satisfied with simple things.  I am growing.  Growing my big fat beautiful brain and soul too. I am caught up in my own introspections and learning a great deal in class daily.  However, my brain has not processed and categorized all of the intellectual data and sensory experiences yet.  I am absorbing life, but I will blog about it, whatever that happens to be, when I am inspired to do so. Stay tuned. . .

Someone Like You

Michele told me there was really good free live music to be had in Kerrville. I know, Kerville??!!.  So Saturday night I joined her to check it out. The venue, a smokey, tiny dive bar called "Back Porch".  Michele and I brought a bottle of Malbec  and we found a less smokey area near the stage to take in some yummy riffs.  I was wowed!  The band "Someone Like You" sounds like Jason Mraz or John Mayer but entirely original. Very bluesy with rock and jazz mixed in.  The lead guitarist is John, guitar and vocals, Josh Murley, and Chris on base. I did not meet the drummer but I have it on good authority that his name is Patrick. Josh writes his own stuff too. I always prefer singer/songwriters.  I'm such a snob! These guys rock! What a lucky find! But with this talent and personality galore, they won't be here for long! 

I miss Tracy White Today!!!!!!!!!

Texas is Now One of the Most Balanced Political States

Democratic Gains Make Texas One of the Most Balanced States.  See LoneStarProject.net for more details.  

"A recent Gallop Survey report confirms that Texas is no longer a solid Republican state. In fact, it lists Texas as among "the most balanced political States" in party identification.  Gallop conducted over 19,000 surveys in Texas during 2008 as part of its Gallop Daily tracking polls. The surveys show that Democrats in Texas now have a slight advantage in party identification, 43% to 41%, a clear reversal from recent past. 

Disappointed. . .

I am very disappointed in the Dems (not all but too many) in the House and Senate.  The Republican's have some good ideas too. The Dems are not making much of an effort to create an atmosphere for compromise. I'm sure the Republican's did the same thing to them during the first 6 years of Bush 43's time in office. But, this is no time for schoolyard antics! We have 4.8 million people out of work!  In my view, during the debate next week in the Senate, each spending item should be put the these two questions: 1. Will it create jobs? (both in government and private sector); 2. Will it save money within a reasonable about of time? The Dems should defend their spending preferences regardless of the fact that they have the numbers.  If it is determined "yes" to both questions, leave it in.  If not, take it out.  Other bills can be drafted for the other pet projects.  I don't think that pet projects are a bad thing, I just think they don't belong in a "stimulus package".  

I am also disappointed in the Republicans.  Haven't we learned that tax cuts alone won't repair the roads, or put people to work, or fix the problems in the schools?  It sounds like a great idea on the surface but it has not been sufficient.  It's time to to listen to other options, and economists suggests a stimulus. Immediately.  

I checked out Obama's goals for the package, which his economists, some independent and some advisors to Republicans,  have recommended.  It's pretty straight forward.  It makes sense. The Dems created a 600 page bill out of this.  I'm not sure that all of it should be there. Perhaps this bill isn't exactly "good faith" in my book. Broadly speaking, "It is the right size, scope and has the right priorities to create 3-4 million jobs, fixing schools, modernizing health care, fix infrastructure, and move towards energy independence". Let's pray that our public servants get out of their own way and do the admirable thing and get the stimulus program done!

If the Dems handle things in a more  straight forward manner and the Republicans still won't vote for the bill, then the American people will know which party are the trouble makers.  For now, I am inclined to believe it is both parties.  I wish they would take a page out of Obama's rule book and show respect, look for common ground, and learn how to disagree without being disagreeable. We have 4.8 million out of jobs!  It's time to act.  If they get bogged down and drag their feet, it could get worse.  

An auspicious coincidence. . .

Three days ago, I wrote our President (I just love saying that) a quick note on whitehouse.gov.  I was concerned about Citigroup's acquisition of a $50m jet, after having asked the tax payers for a bailout.  I asked him to address this immoral and disgraceful waste of our tax dollars.  Well, 24 hours later, he had Geithner call Citigroup and they did not take possession of jet.  Then 24 hours later, he made a statement wherein he called high level corporate bonuses "shameful" and "the height of irresponsibility.  I know, my email probably had nothing to do with his speaking out.  That is just the way he rolls.  

Hooray!!!!

I just have to say: The world needs more Lily Ledbetters. Personally, she will not recover what she lost, but she brought us closer to the reality of equal pay. 

My First Power Point Presentation

If you can believe it, I have never had the occasion to learn to use the program until now.  I just finished a project for my Aesthetic Experience class.  I thought about bringing in my sculpture that Sandy gave me, that I really love but did not feel like I was knowledgeable enough about its origin or creation.  I decided on Klimt, of course.  What fun!  

On Feminism

Many people may be shocked by this statement: "I do not consider myself a feminist."  I consider myself a decent, capable, well-intentioned person. . . who happens to be a woman. Ladies, in our quest for equality in all facets of life, perhaps we missed something.  The Feminist movement has done some damage to us and to our male counterparts.  We've been a little overzealous, perhaps. I wish that we could have done a better job in appreciating those men who did their best to hear us and respect us as we  fought to "come a long way, baby". 

In the U.S.,  it is still very true that the glass ceiling still exists, equal pay is not yet a reality, medical progress has been ridiculously slow on women's health issues. It took us too damn long to get the vote, many still believe we are the lesser sex and that we are not capable of a higher level of logical reasoning as men are. Women throughout time that have contributed to art, literary works, science, higher thought have been ignored and left out of those respective clubs.  The playing field is not yet level.  I agree that we have been marginalized, ignored.  But I believe that there have been and there are men out there who realize this, and respect our minds and accomplishments. 

Do the above injustices give women the right to exploit men? I know women who have used their sexual currency to manipulate men.  Women have been guilty of tearing down another woman for their success or happiness.  Aren't these things just as ugly?  Should Hillary Clinton have won the presidency?  Some say yes because women are owed that.  I say that that notion is sexist.  Success or opportunity should be based on merit, not gender.  

As women, I think we should come together and support each other.  Be happy for each others successes and share the joy that womanhood has to offer us.  Act as though we respect our femaleness. Let's not live up to the bitch stereotype.  We know how to ask for what we want assertively, without pouting, without manipulations, and without anger, don't we? We can be our best selves while encouraging the best in men, can't we?  We need to stop feeling marginalized and invisible.  We can respectfully disagree. Articulate our brilliant thoughts.  There will be no battle of the sexes if we are not battling.  For me, I have learned that there is no need to battle.  Men who like strong women will let me know by furthering the conversation.  Men who are not interested in having a conversation with an articulate woman will fade into the scenery.  It has always been my skills that have gotten me raises in the workplace, not my pretty face.  

The simple truth is, when women have progressed, men have too.  If we as a people are going to get to the next level of "goodness", we will get there together.  

Personally, I think we have had a punishing attitude for far too long. We've had good reasons yet we do not. We change the rules of relating about every five years or so.  Chivalry was good, then it wasn't, now it is again, for some.  Condescension is sometimes mistaken for compassion. If we could, men and women, look beyond the game we play and its complicated ever changing rules, and the facades we painstakingly create for the other sex. . . to the real intentions, we would be so much further along this path.  So the next time a man opens the door for you, graciously thank him.  And if you get the chance, thank his mama, too. 

Deep down isn't everyone basically shallow?

For most of my adult life I have considered myself to be a really deep person.  But, isn't "putting on heirs" in reference to my own depth just me being self important?  And isn't that pretty shallow?  Don't we all have a vice?  Who doesn't engage in some form of naughty/guilty pleasure? Whether it be chocolate, alcohol, gossip, another slice of pizza (over-eating), complaining,  marijuana, trashy novels, judging our fellow church goers or anyone else, shopping for things we don't need, a lap dance, mocha with an extra shot of espresso, late night cable TV, blaming the other political party for our nations problems, bible bashing, diet coke, giving unwanted advice, refusing to view all sides of an issue, feeling superior to another because of race, gender or any other reason, playing the martyr, or otherwise using anything or anyone to avoid personal responsibility or allowing any behavior to become a compulsion.  . . (whew!)

But alas, we all put value judgments on the above vices. Some are okay and others are not.  For one over-eating is alright but marijuana is a big no-no.  For another, judging others is okay even though Jesus taught us not to, but drinking wine is totally not okay, even though Jesus did in moderation. We judge harshly those that we perceive as having vices but don't see our own. Or we justify ours because it's "not that bad". 

 I think we miss some goodness in life and others when we focus on the thick of thin things. And if we are doing all we think we are supposed to do, we think we have the right to judge another as not doing enough.  And in that judgment, we miss the point completely. 

Let's face it.  We, all of us, to a degree are shallow and succumb to human limitations and hungers. I have actually been surprised and let down in my life to learn of a loved one's bigotry and small mindedness.  There is a lesson for me to learn here. People don't belong on pedestals. Pedestals are for the representation of an ideal. So. . . let's first train ourselves to look upon others with Christ-like compassion and acceptance for we all can be selfish and weak and shallow, and we can all be brilliant and kind and well intentioned.  I'll be first, I am capable of great depth but not above the shallow.

2008 look back-A Mixed Bag.

I will attempt to delineate here the 10 best and worst experiences of 2008 for me, personally.

First, the worst: 

1.   The moves. I moved 3 times in 6 months. I read somewhere that moving was one of the most stressful experiences.

2.   The most painful and destructive relationship of my life happened in 2008. Of course, a result of a series of bad choices on my part got the thing rolling. I had never before been treated with so little respect. But its DEMISE can be said to be one of the BEST things that happened in 2008 too, depending on how you view it.  So, here lies Capt. Parasite. Rest In Peace.

3.   I allowed my biological mother in my life after a 10 year absence for a very brief year.  In the end, I learned for good what I always knew, that I mean nothing to her. Her only interest was to manipulate me into spending my resources to keep her from dealing with the horror that has become her life. It has been painful to accept in some ways but very liberating too to learn that I did my part to heal our relationship, and consequently I feel NO remorse for choosing to sever all ties, as if she had been someone who cared for my well-being. In the end, I chose me, my education, my peace, my sanity and to value my needs. . . And in the end I chose not to be codependent. And that is a very very good thing, a "skip through the meadow" kind of good.  So. . .here also lies Leslie too, I wish her well and a final farewell. Rest In Peace. 

4.  I left a job that I loved and a boss that I love even more. 

5.   Moving was hard also because of all of the friends and family that I miss and don't get to see and talk too often enough. 

6.  Moving has left me feeling isolated occasionally, but not very often as I enjoy spending quality time with myself. 

7.  Okay,  I honestly can not think of anything else that was bad in 2008.

Now the best stuff of 2008:

1.    As I wrote above, ending the connection with Capt. Parasite.

2.   As I wrote above, severing all ties with Leslie.

3.    Going back to school.  My college experience last semester was every bit as wonderful as I had hoped it would be.  I thoroughly enjoy learning, the classroom experience, the interesting material, the environment of campus life, all of it. . . wonderful.

4.    This blog.  It has been a great experience for me. I am grateful for those that check on my comings and goings so that we can remain connected.

5.    The many conversations that I have had with Kami. I cherish her.

6.    The uplifting talks that Jeannine and I have shared. She was there to kick my butt when I needed it. 

7.     The new friends I have made here in Kerrville: Amy (pretty lil' five-foot nothin', good hearted, compassionate, and smart.  Believes that the simple life is where its at!; Linda (patient and kind mother, sweet Southern talkin' beauty); Carey (smart, lover of Taco Casa tacos, witty, Lord lovin' cutie); Fred (chivalrous, debonaire, VeeP, cufflink wearin' Obama fanatic); Amie (romantic, thoughtful mother, coffee addict, history lovin', metaphor writin', babe); Tracy (more real than real, kindred spirit, open-minded, law studyin', light in the loafers, Obamanite).  

8.    Alex, my little, and my time with him.  And his little sister, Lilianna.  Very sweet and special children. 

9.    The three months I spent staying with Peter before the move. It was nice hanging out and having dinner and all of our talks about life, school, Obama, family, and how nicely we worked out.

10.     The election!  I feel that our electing Barack Obama has elevated us as a people.  We are starting to get past the notion that a race, gender, or class is more entitled (to opportunities, freedom, and a healthy life) than another.  Barack Obama ran a campaign with intelligence and dignity and he deserved to win. I am grateful for any part that I took in it. It feels like a movement.  It feels like we as a nation are moving . . . forward to a better place.  

My last night in Vegas

I had so much fun on this trip that I had to just end it in a more relaxed manner.  I had dinner with Cathy (but we forgot to take a picture) and then the last night with Lea (picture attached)  at one of my favorite places, Baba Reeba (tapas).  I was introduced to a new favorite red, Grotto Shiraz from Australia, very smooth with a hint of dark chocolate. Truly, visiting Vegas is a lot more fun than living there!  See you in the summer, my friends.

New Years' Eve

I made my way to Tami and Paula's place around 8:00. We had some champagne and chocolate covered strawberries. We took some photos and made our way to Jay and Stacie's house for their little soiree. At 11:30 the three of us and Jay and Stacie went to Red Rock Hotel and found a spot at the downstairs circle bar where we celebrated the new year. Jay kissed all of us girls (lucky dawg) and the bartenders handed out free champagne.  We took these super hot pics there.  We finally got back to Tami's at 3:30.  I had so much fun!  We partied like rockstars! 

Night out with Jason Markle and his friend, Liz

We went to Aliante Station to see Yellow Brick Road, an 80's Rock cover band.  They were very good. The lead singer had lots of personality.  We danced to Jesse's Girl and Pour Some Sugar on Me.  I love live music!!!!!! That is something Daddy gave me.  Sloan would have really liked this night. He is getting to be a pretty good guitar player. 

I really enjoyed meeting Liz and her husband.  They were really nice and fun.  Thanks Jay for introducing us.  Miss you man!

Jeannine Abel and Me

Jeannine and I spent an entire day together cooking, playing games and just being.  I love her to death.  We are seeking the same degree. She wants to work in addiction recovery.  Kudos to her!  She has more compassion than me.  Jeannine is a wonderful cook, wonderful friend, and her son Skylar is so damn cool, I want to kidnap him!  I must add here that this picture is utterly horrible, but until another kinder picture exists, this one goes up.

Peter and Mike Bellon

Peter and Mike had a long standing Christmas Eve (boys' night) planned.  Since I was in town, they invited me along.  We saw a flick and went to T-Bones for some champagne, crab, steak, and a chocolate dessert. These boys know how to celebrate! Of course we saw some friends, Tom Rojas and his super sweet and pretty long time girlfriend, Allison. It's always fun hangin' with these guys. Chivalry and Class, all the way!

Christmas Holiday Trip to Las Vegas - Part 2

These three pics are from the Jolley Christmas Program 2008.  I love being a part of this wonderful "jolley" family!

Picture 1: MacKay's singing hymn for program. Left to Right: Davis, Kevin, Jesse, Lisa, Dawn, Sid, Jason, Shawna and Shannon with baby Mylie.

Picture 2: Me and Drew (cousin) with baby Mylie, Sharie's daughter.

Picture 3: Jennifer, Me and Melissa (Vance's wife and Max's mom).

Picture 4: Andrew, with Vance's boy Max, Vance (in the Christmas tree shirt, hilarious!), Erin, Amanda and Me.

Picture: 5: Me and Erin (second cousin).

It was a Jolley-Good-Time!!!!!

Christmas Holiday Trip to Las Vegas - Part 1

Kristalle Herda invited me over for Christmas dinner with her family.  The Herda family is wonderful. So warm and accepting. I enjoyed that evening so much.  We drank wine and played games and laughed at each other and ourselves till well past midnight. I hope to be invited next year!  

Spring 2009 Line-up

College Algebra.  I hear Jimenez is a really good instructor. Of course, no one could ever hold a candle to Dr. Sliva!! 

Aesthetic Experience.  Prof. Harris, I understand, is a real Renaissance Man. He writes plays, fiction, music, can play an instrument.  I am not sure exactly what one studies in this class. Beauty?  What are commonly held notions and elements of things that are beautiful? It is an interdisciplinary studies class, one that is unique to Schreiner. 

World Literature from the Renaissance Period to Present.  I understand Hannay is the best professor that teaches this class.  I guess I will be reading and writing and writing about what I read.  Sounds like FUN to me.  

Cognitive Psychology. (The study of how we learn).  I believe this will be helpful in many ways.  Prof. Biel, the professor I had for Health Psychology will be my professor.  He is one of my faves.

Psychology of Personality: Research Approaches.  In this class we will study personality traits.  This I am sure will be very interesting to me. And I really dig the professor.

Politics and the Media. I have no need to take this class at all. I do not need it for my major and I have 102 elective hours already.  I just feel a need to learn about this subject.  I want to understand how the media spins the information and how to get to the reality behind the spin, if that is possible. The professor, as I understand it, is a diehard republican.  Now this should be interesting.  I fully intend to "stir it up" in this class.  Not to worry. I will collect no grade so I won't feel the need to feign agreement with the professors views.

Shawn's Movie Reviews. . . Arrogant, aren't I?

Hello All:

One of my favorite things to do when I need a little "brain candy" break from studying is to view a film at the nearby movie theatre. I live literally 2 minutes away. A matinee is only $5.00. So I thought I would keep track of the films I see and add a little blurb about it. This entry will be kept up to date.

April 2009

State of Play. B. I've been interested in political thrillers lately, it seems.  Guess I'll just go with it.  This film is about a journalist and Congressman that have been friends since college.  The journalist happens upon a story of murder with a big scoop of political ambition, hence the involvement of the Congressman.  Some fun twists and turns.  Enjoyable. Russell Crow was solid. Ben Affleck was very Ben Affleck.  

January 2009: 

Charlie Wilson's War. A-. If politics and true stories can be taken together, we have Charlie Wilson's War.  I recommend watching it. Very witty and intellectual.  Charlie Wilson, a flawed, "good time charlie" Texas Congressman, having been cajoled into helping Afghanistan win their war against Russia by a wealthy, politically savvy and socially passionate woman. . . .and remarkably close to the real story.  This is another argument for finishing what we started in Afghanistan.  

Rachel's Wedding. C+.  If you tend to get motion sickness, you may want to reconsider watching this film.  You will leave with a serious headache wondering if it was really worth it. It is supposed to have the documentary style of filming, replete with its too quick panoramic views, blurred in and out focusing, and close ups that are way too close or too far away from the subjects. Yeah, I get it. It is supposed to be a really realistic depiction, right? The story: Anne Hatheway is a very troubled girl coming home from rehab for her sister's wedding. She's been grieving for months now, half tortured, half belligerent, and thinks like an addict. . . but her intentions are well-meaning. There is a wedding party with a Caucasian woman, African American man and hindu spiritualism (who knows where that comes from?).  Lots of artists, musicians and dancers in the mix but one has to wonder: Did anyone remember to edit this film? 

December 2008. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. A-.  Brad Pitt is Benjamin. An aging 50 something is still pretty hot, even to a 30 something!  So Robert Redford(esque). Yummy!  For completely separate reasons, I really liked this film. A man born elderly and grows to his peak backwards and ages to infancy. Even though Benjamin Button's life is done in reverse, he learns basically the same things: That timing is key. . . That real love doesn't die but changes form. . . That feelings of inadequacy, which we all feel, can rob us the joy of fully inhabiting our lives.  . . And if we live long enough,  we all end the same way, utterly dependent. 

December 2008. Bolt. B+. I saw this with my Little Brother Alex. He and I loved it! Great message for kids. That unconditional acceptance and love is better than anything else anyone can give you. And. . .belief in yourself can have almost unlimited power for good.

December 2008. Seven Pounds. B+. I can't go into plot. It's one of those films that you don't want to ruin by discussing any part of it. I will say this: I had to watch Will Smith suffer for a very long time before I was allowed to understand why.  That was hard to watch. I'll never see it again. But I am glad I saw it. I believe the film has something worthwhile to say.

November 2008. Twilight. C+. I love vampires. I couldn't resist. Something about the notion of living through generations of time . . . and the utter loneliness that comes from living that long. . .and the intimacy or at least perceived intimacy between vampire and prey. Dark, macabre, isn't it?  A guilty pleasure of mine.  At any rate, this film was more about teenage angst than about vampires. It was decent for what it was. Entertaining. All of the actors were beautiful.  The actress playing Belle was not very effective. What was particularly annoying about the plot was that a pretty and smart teenage girl loved by both parents, liked by all at school, and possessed the freedom to do as she pleased, couldn't seem to see anything positive about her life. Is that the way normal teenagers feel?  I really just don't get it. But hey, maybe that's just me.

A Vegas Girl's Dance Club Etiquette Lesson

1. If you feel the need to dress slutty, then be sure to dance demurely. . .If you tend to dance in a sexy/sultry manner, be sure to dress modestly.

2. If you want a dance partner (or someone nearby sharing the dancefloor) to come closer, then while dancing raise your arms above your head. If you want people to let you have your space, then while dancing subtly place your hands at shoulder length with elbows out or hands in front of your chest, palms out.

3. Always leave with the person you came with unless he or she is drunk and stupid.

4. If the person you came with dances more than two songs consecutively with another person, dance with everyone, enjoy yourself, catch a cab and delete his phone number from your cell phone.

14 Day Yearly Cleanse for Disease Free Life

I have brought 3 ideas together for a yearly cleanse. I have done all three in the past but this year I am going to do them together and extend the cleanse to 14 days. The result will likely be a reduction in fat weight of at least 8 lbs and a cleansing of the colon, kidneys, and skin. When these organs are cleansed of build up waste products, the bodies chances of many kinds of cancers and heart disease are greatly reduced. During the cleanse you can work out normally so long as you drink lemonaid often throughout the day. The following is very safe and healthy.

Lemonaid: one 12 oz bottle of water with 2 oz. poured out. Add two tbsp +/- lemon juice, and 2 tbsp +/- grade B dark maple syrup. Drink at least 5 per day for 14 days. A tiny pinch of cheyenne pepper, if you can stand it helps a great deal with the cleanse. If you can't then take that pinch with a little water sometime during the day. Take two Spurilina (brain food) in the morning. For the entire cleanse drink cleansing/slimming tea every night.

For the first 7 days, eat raw fruit in the morning with nothing else but lemonaid. For lunch, eat raw vegetables or vegetable soup and more lemonaid. For dinner, vegetables again with lemonaid. If you are hungry, drink more lemonaid. There is nutrition in the maple syrup.

For day 8, and 9 only drink the lemonaid. Add 4 more bottles. Take spurilina.

Day 10, 11, 12, 13 Eat the fruit, vegetables and 4 bottles of lemonaid, but add a serving of the following two times per day: 1/4 cup any kind of yogurt (grind the following first in a cofee grinder) 3 tbsp. flaxseeds, 2 tbsp. wheat bran, 1 tbsp. rice bran).

On the last day drink various fruit juices including orange and cranberry, lemonaid and vegetable soup. One the first day after the cleanse, don't over do dairy products or meat.

When I arrive back in Kerrville I am going to begin my cleanse. I'll post my progress and hopefully I will reduce as I predict. If anyone decides to try it, please feel free to post your comments! Here's to your health!

What does a BETTER LIFE mean to me. . .

Everyone wants a "better life". We all want to be safe, comfortable, anxiety free, and pain free. We want to be happy, right? What does that mean? I used to think that meant to "fulfill my potential as a child of God", that if I was doing those things that others told me would make me happy, I would find that place. I did not find it in the Mormon church (but this is not to say that I am not grateful for the religious education and wonderful friendships made therein); I did not find it in a fancy dinner with a glass of Chateau Latour or the 18 minute Roys Chocolate souffle with two scoops of ice-cream. I did not find it in an overly generous husband (although his friendship is the most dear of my life). I did not find it when I allowed myself to be the lighthouse for what I believed to be a very sad and broken man. I did not find it when I was "faking it to make it", nor when I told everyone that I didn't care what they thought. I did not find it in the counselor's chair; I did not find it when I gave my mother another undeserved chance to be in my life. I did not find it when I was telling other people what to do so they could find it. I did not find it in books (although many of them helped me to grow and learn) and I did not find it in keeping the commandments as I was told I would (although I am sure I have fewer regrets because of those efforts). I am not sure that I would have known what happiness was when or if I ever found it because I didn't know what it really looked like/felt like. And doesn't it mean different things to different people? What about love? I am good at loving plutonically. When it comes to romantic love though, that elludes me. I don't know if I really know how to love someone romantically with courage and unconditional compassion and positive regard. Historically, I have lost myself in the caretaking of others. Mostly, I have chosen poorly so I have decided, for now, I am not going to allow myself any romantic attachments until further notice. I have learned that happiness isn't found in another person either.

I just finished reading Sidney Pointier's autobiography. In this book he asks: "What does it mean to you to have a better life, not your neighbor, or your business partner's definition, but yours? I have been thinking about his question for many days now. I think I am ready to define it for myself. You, poor reader, are an innocent bystander to my ramblings. Please forgive all of this candor. . .This is today's contribution to the process of growth and learning that I find myself in. Not the sum total of my values or the end of my ramblings. So here is my list of what I think a better life would include for me:
1. Reach my education potential: For me, this means a PsyD in Pschology.
2. Excel in a profession that helps people.
3. Make my heart judgment free.
4. Have healthy boundaries.
5. Live honestly and speak the truth with love.
6. Give a child the love, life and coping skills, and values I was not given.
7. Have the courage to defend MY values.
8. Have enough discomfort so I won't become complacent.
9. Keep my hope in humanity alive so I never give up on others.
10. Freedom from debt, except a mortgage.
11. Acheive MY idea of physical fitness.
12. Never allow fear of personal failure to daunt me.
13. Never allow success to seduce me into inaction.
14. Continually challenge myself to grow.
15. To acheive self-actualization (as Maslow describes it) before I die.
I started this entry thinking that perhaps I would be able to think of 10 elements to describe, but find I want more for myself than I originally thought.

Final Grades for Semester 1, 3 semesters to go!

Exercise Science -

(A lot more work than you think. I got some As and some Bs on quizzes and exams.  I may get an A for the class but it will be close. I took the final today. Should know by tomorrow the final grade.)

EXSI course grade: A (whew! That was close!)

Math 0303- Final grade - B

But I want an A anyway.  I have set aside 2 full days to study and a high school student to tutor me on Sunday afternoon.) Turned out the high school student could not help me out so I did not get an A on the final exam. 

Theories of Personality - A

The instructor's policy is to drop the lowest exam grade. Since all of mine have been As. I don't have to take the final and have an A for the class.)

Health Psychology- Take Home Final Due Monday. Final Grade A

(I have gotten all As so far.  No reason why the final should be any different. Update: I just got the take home essays. The last question requires me to justify my A! All that legal persuasive writing will come in handy here!)

Critical Thinking- B for the course

(This class has given me fits, even though it is one of my favorites. Crazy huh?  Dr. F. is great!  I dig him.  But his tests are %&$#@! hard and a lot of the material can be easily confused. I have gotten Bs on tests.  Wish I could get inside his brain and sift through his filing cabinet. But alas! Since no one got an A on the last test, and much to his chagrin, Dr. F.  has reluctantly given us the opportunity to correct our last test for additional points. I may earn an A on the final. I have set aside an entire day to study and a study session Thursday night with Tracy W. Material is limited. Test is this Friday. I'm worried about this one. Wish me luck!)

Christian Theology- Final Next Wednesday. Final Grade A.

(This class is one of my favorites.  I have enjoyed it tremendously. I have received all As on all tests and all As on all papers so I anticipate the last test will be similar. I foresee an A for the class.) 

I shall know all of the above grades by December 19th, so check out this entry then. I am so grateful that this semester I have been lucky in having only one final exam each day! 

Cumulative GPA: 3.7

Hey! Tracy White!

What a compelling human you are!  I just wanted to say that I enjoy my time with you.  Always a deep discussion to be had when you are around!  Looking forward to our "poly-sci" class next semester.  "Get thee a blog!"

Postscript on Dec. 18th: Tracy's blog can be seen at: trwhitesnotebook.blogspot.com.  He is a great person and brilliant!!!  But, due to lodging difficulties, Tracy decided to finish up his BA at UT Tyler. "Bye Man. Don't forget to come visit me." 

I'm dreaming of a Vegas Christmas. . .

Uh, huh. I know that's right, Suga!  Peter has graciously offered to bring me home for the Holidays to give me a break from my studies (sort of) and treat me to his good company and that of beloved friends and family. Woop woop! I'll be in Vegas from December 22nd until January 4th, so . . . be sure to clear some time on your busy holiday calendars for a little scoop of Shawn    . . . Miss Jolley if you're nasty!

Finally

Today, for the first time since Election Day, I was able to think about Barack's victory without my eyes welling up with tears. I am such a freak!

A crazy day!

Yesterday I had the most hellish day since the semester started.  I had two exams and an oral presentation due. I was fueled by adrenaline all day long. My oral presentation consisted of a skit. The scene: Sigmund Freud and Rollo May meeting for coffee to discuss a client in common. I played Rollo May, the first American Existential Psychoanalyst and my partner, Candice played the part of Sigmund Freud. We psychoanalyzed our client and made fun of each other's theories. Sigmund blew a bubble pipe while I tried to explain my over the top explanation about human despair. It was fun.  I saw my professor sitting in a student desk at the back of the classroom laughing at all the jokes and having a good time.  Whew!  Glad it is over though. 

Tonight I study math again. . .solving systems of equations. It never ends. :-)