Catching Up With Shawn

CURRENTLY UNDER CONSTRUCTION. . .

Monday, April 8, 2019

Shall I come back??

Posted by catchingupwithshawn at 6:47 PM No comments:
Newer Posts Older Posts Home
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)

Blog Archive

Intensity - 2008

Intensity - 2008
Philosopher Khalil Gibran wrote: "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars."

I recently learned . . .

  • No bill of sexual rights can hold its own against the lawless, untamable landscape of the erotic imagination. - D. Merkin
  • What I do for my own good - will be good for everyone.
  • The times in my life when I have grown the most - I was mostly alone.
  • I am more insightful than I thought.
  • Kerrville has 65 half-way houses and only 3 grocery stores.
  • I underestimated the difficulty of this sojourn.
  • I have not trusted Myself enough; and what's more-I have been too open and too trusting with others. Thank you, Josh for teaching me a long-overdue lesson on boundaries.
  • If I were to put more of myself into creative outlets, it would greatly increase my happiness.
  • I am strong enough to be bolder, more open, more honest, more vulnerable, and more fearless. But not with everyone.
  • Real love never dies, it just changes form.
  • My capacity to love others has greatly increased in the last few years.
  • Labels like Republican and Democrat are just not descriptive enough and should be avoided when describing individuals.
  • Sunshine really is the best disinfectant.
  • Our actions leave imprints, and as we do, we are likewise imprinted.
  • In life, when we encounter a cognitive dissonance, we must address it. If we don't, we run the risk of depression and self alienation.
  • As I grow and progress, the more I prefer my own company.
  • In going back to school I am not competing with better equipped students, they are competing with my life experience. Update: Except for those that have scripts for adderall. Damn those smartdrugs and Dr. Feelgoods!
  • It is better to not be parented, if the alternative is a parent who is destructive, usurious, and abusive.

Nurture

Nurture

Carl Jung

Who look outside, dreams; Who look inside, awakes.
                                                                          

"At this point in my life. . .

I'd like to live as though the search to live honestly is all that anyone needs, no matter if you find it." 
                                         - Tracy Chapman

Anthony and Me 2012

Anthony and Me 2012

Check out these muscles!

Check out these muscles!

Katherine Moennig

Katherine Moennig
I would be lesbian for Kate. I'm just sayin'. . .

Street Tango

Street Tango
Buenos Aires

Break Your Heart

Oh people downcast in despair
See the disillusion everywhere
Hoping that their luck will change
It's a little harder everyday.

People struggle, people fight
For the simple pleasures in their lives
Trouble comes from everywhere
It's a little more than you can bear.

I know it will hurt
I know it will break your heart the way things are
And the way they've been, and the way they've always been.

People shallow, self-absorbed
See the push and shove for their rewards
With nothing nice on their minds
You can read about it in their eyes
People ruthless, people cruel
The damage that some people do
Full of hatred, full of pride
It's enough to make you lose your mind.

Don't spread the discontent, don't spread the lies
Don't make the same mistakes with your own life
You know it will always come back.

Yeah, I know that it will hurt
Don't disrespect yourself, don't lose your pride
And don't think that everybody is gonna choose your side
Oh, no. I know that it will hurt
I know that it will break your heart, the way things are. . .

   -Natalie Merchant

Black and White

Black and White

Graduation Day

Graduation Day
Caroline and me.

Gratitude to Teachers. . .

"One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.                                                                       -  Carl Jung

Dr. B, me and Dr. B.

Dr. B, me and Dr. B.
These awesome professors have been my "bosses" these last two years. And such great bosses they were.

My Perfect Mother Archetype

My Perfect Mother Archetype
Sandy Jolley

- A Course in Miracles

Love is not love until it is unconditional. 

Make-up and Lights. . .

Make-up and Lights. . .

Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Be not the slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Shawn's Most Viewed Links

  • The White House, A New Era of Transparency
  • BBC
  • Movie Reviews with Snide Remarks
  • Slate Magazine
  • http://www.spectator.co.uk/coffeehouse/
  • The Daily Beast - Curated News
  • Schreiner University
  • CNN'S POLITICAL NEWS PAGE
  • THE ONION - POLITICAL NEWS (satire)
  • Political Cartoons
  • Green Living Tips

Early summer 2009

Early summer 2009

Mark and Me Summer 2009

Mark and Me Summer 2009

Shawn and Sloan 2007

Shawn and Sloan 2007
That's one deep dude, right there. I'll tell you what.
"In the desert 
I saw a creature, naked, bestial, 
Who, squatting upon the ground, 
Held his heart in his hands, 
And ate of it. 
I said, 'Is it good, friend?' 
'It is bitter -- bitter,' he answered, 
'But I like it 
Because it is bitter, 
And because it is my heart.'" 
                 — Stephen Crane

Stuff that Make Me Smile --

  • "Criminal Minds" reruns
  • "Religulous"
  • "Talk to Her" (Habla Con Ella) Film
  • A fair lady named Carolyn.
  • a full bottle of water on my nightstand
  • A wine cork collection
  • Academy Awards Party at Lea's
  • All things Mac
  • Andrew Marvel
  • Annual Review of Psychology
  • artichokes
  • Barack Obama
  • Baulderdash
  • being called "Kitten" by MB
  • being dangerously close to the fireworks
  • BK Gamble
  • Blue Bell Ice Cream
  • books about wine
  • Books, Books, Books!
  • brand new bedding
  • Buenos Aires, Argentina
  • buying my first copy of the DSM-IV desk reference
  • cabin in Kolob
  • canyoneering
  • Chanel Perfumes
  • Cheeses: French Raclette, Morbier, Port Salut, Brillat Savarin, and Lagrein, Tete de Moine.
  • Christian Matthews
  • coconut macaroon cookies, earl grey tea and a good book or movie.
  • cookbooks
  • Costa Rica
  • crab cake eggs benedict
  • craig's list
  • dancing
  • Dexter on Showtime
  • Diving Bell and the Butterfly (film)
  • Earl Grey Tea
  • EMDR therapy
  • epiphanies
  • existentialism
  • Fareed Zakaria GPS. I think he is brilliant and beautiful. I want to kiss him.
  • feeling wistful
  • Fred Gamble
  • Fresca and Diet coke
  • Grape Juice
  • hairless chests
  • Harry and David Fruit
  • Homemade chocolate covered strawberries, especially with champagne
  • hosting a party
  • Howard W. Hunter
  • Janelle Monae, Jazz Singer
  • Jason Mraz and John Mayer
  • jellyfish
  • Jennifer Helm
  • Jorge Morales (I miss him often)
  • JW and I are becoming good friends.
  • Kite Runner (film)
  • law library
  • Logan Library Coffee
  • London
  • Looking around the room and knowing everyone in it has my happiness as an interest of theirs.
  • Love Song of Alfred Prufrock by TS Eliot
  • lunch with Jay
  • mechanical pencils
  • Michael Ware. I love your brilliance, cool accent and broken nose.
  • middle-eastern dance
  • mocha mouse pie
  • Muscle Soreness
  • my chill class
  • My friends who love me enough to "tell me about myself".
  • my heirloom belly button ring from Nordies
  • na na
  • Namaste Yoga
  • Netflix
  • not being in a relationship
  • not having plans on a Friday night
  • passionate people
  • PBS television
  • Peter
  • pomogranate martinis
  • pregnant women
  • purple light bulbs
  • Rachel Maddow Show on MSNBC
  • roller backpack-brilliant invention!
  • San Clemente
  • Sandy's new hairstyle
  • Schreiner University
  • seeing vacation pictures for the first time
  • shutting up
  • Taramisu
  • Tassimo Coffee Maker
  • Teaching Sign Language
  • Teddy Kennedy
  • The Colbert Report
  • The Daily Show
  • The Saint (film) and that version of Val Kilmer - yummy!
  • The word "undulation"
  • thinking about changing my phone number
  • Tiffany Childers
  • toe rings
  • tortilla espinola
  • traveling with Kami
  • Trueblood. (A new naughty pleasure).
  • twilight breakfast in Vegas
  • Virgin Bloody Marys on a Thursday night.
  • Virgin Roll at China Town in Kerrville. Just ask Tony the sushi chef.
  • When Peter sings Senatra
  • Wine: Chateau Latour, Trapiche Malbec, High Note Malbec, La Crema Pinot Noir, Turtle Creek Pinot, Champaign: Veuve Clicquot, Best Budget Champaign: Moet & Chandon White Star.
  • writing in a journal

My very good friend, Jeannine and her boys

My very good friend, Jeannine and her boys

The Kiss

The Kiss
Gustav Klimt

Martin Luther King, Jr.

"We must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love."
               

Kami, Keira, Kaitlin and David Mirk 2009

Kami, Keira, Kaitlin and David Mirk 2009

Fred and Me

Fred and Me

-- John Wesley

"Do all the good you can, in all the ways you can, to all the souls you can, in every place you can, at all the times you can, with all the zeal you can, as long as ever you can."

BBBS Volunteer Work

BBBS Volunteer Work
My kids, Alex and Lilliana

-- Mahatma Ghandi

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?"

Drew and Me

Drew and Me

Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp
"There are four questions of value in life. . . What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for? And what is worth dying for? The answer to all of these is the same. Only Love." - Johnny Depp

Henry David Thoreau

"Goodness is the only investment that never fails." 

The Baird

"Love all, trust a few, do harm to none."

Mark Fabulous Garry

Mark Fabulous Garry
Mark Fabulous Garry

Las Vegas

Las Vegas
Bellagio

Paula Kay and Me -New Years 2009

Paula Kay and Me -New Years 2009

This is a list of those who can kiss my ass!

  • N.G.
  • Captain Asshole
  • Joe Lieberman. Man, "Who's side are you on? Oh, yeah. Yours!"
  • FAKE PEOPLE - ALL OF YOU COWARDLY FOOLS!
  • health insurance company lobbyists
  • liars, thieves and cheats
  • L. R.
  • Eric Cantor - Dude, you are obnoxious!
  • Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity. Divisive and Disingenuous!
  • Republicans slammin' Obama on fiscal responsibility. Freakin' Hypocrites!
  • Dick Cheney
  • Greed on Wall Street, Greed in oil companies, and Greed in Washington. Greed in health care industry. Shame on you!
  • FOX Noise. "Fair and balanced?" Yeah, right.
  • YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

Kami and Me. Buenos Aires 2006

Kami and Me. Buenos Aires 2006

Summer 2009

Summer 2009

Lea & Me

Lea & Me
I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. 
 --Mohandas Gandhi 

Summer 2009

Summer 2009
Kayaking Guadelupe River with Christian

Cotton Gin 2008

Cotton Gin 2008

9-9-09. Goodbye Squirley. . .

9-9-09. Goodbye Squirley. . .
"What a strange illusion it is to believe beauty to be goodness." - Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

Edgar Allen Poe

On the Aesthetic Experience: 
"Essence of beauty is the intense and pure elevation of soul which it engenders, and to gain this effect is the artists' sole intent."

Me and Christian Fall 2008

Me and Christian Fall 2008

Sunflowers from Peter.

Sunflowers from Peter.

- Thomas Babington Macaulay

"The measure of a man's real character is what he would do if he knew he would never be found out."

Melvin D. Close, Jr. (my boss at JV) 2008

Melvin D. Close, Jr. (my boss at JV) 2008

- Albert Pine

"What we do for ourselves dies with us; what we do for others and the world remains and is immortal." 

Cathy and Me.

- Bob Dylan

"Well, I don't know why I came here tonight. 
I got a feeling that something ain't right. 
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair 
and I'm wondering how I'll get down those stairs. 
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am 
stuck in the middle with you.

Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you 
and I'm wondering what it is I should do.
It's hard to keep this smile from my face, 
losing control, I'm all over the place. 
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am 
stuck in the middle with you."
                                

2006 Winter Cocktail Party

2006 Winter Cocktail Party
Jared Page and Me

-- Pablo Casals

"Each person has inside a basic decency and goodness. If he listens to it and acts on it, he is giving a great deal of what it is the world needs most. It is not complicated but it takes courage. It takes courage for a person to listen to his own goodness and act on it." 

Drew and Me, 4th July-Hollywood 2007

Drew and Me, 4th July-Hollywood 2007

Wendell Berry

"The past is our definition. We may strive with good reason to escape it or to escape what is bad in it. But we will escape it only by the addition of something better to it."

Linda and Me at Pampell's in Kerrville weekend school started

Linda and Me at Pampell's in Kerrville weekend school started

Thinking about studying. . .

Thinking about studying. . .
July 2009
"English is our birthright."
                  -Prof. Harris

October 2008

October 2008
Sloan's Late Night Past Time.

Kari, Cathy and Me

Kari, Cathy and Me

Scuba-Shawn

Scuba-Shawn
Grand Cayman 2006

Lake Mead - me and Drew and some other people that don't really matter.

Lake Mead - me and Drew and some other people that don't really matter.

Maui with Peter 2006

Maui with Peter 2006

Tasty Reads. . . according to me.

  • A Course in Miracles
  • A Return to Love - Williamson
  • All Quiet on the Western Front - Erich Maria Mremarque
  • All works -Jane Austen
  • Anthem for a Doomed Youth - Wilfred Owen
  • Audacity of Hope - Barack Obama
  • Collier Portable Pamphlet - Just Kidding!!!!!!
  • Death in Venice - Thomas Mann
  • Emerson, Thoreau.
  • Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex - Keesling
  • Great Divorce - C.S. Lewis
  • Imperial Hubris - Anonymous
  • Iron John - Robert Bly
  • Matthew, Mark, Luke and John of the Bible
  • Maya Angelou Poetry
  • Measure of a Man - Spiritual Autobiography of Sidney Poitier
  • Nelson Mandela - In His Own Words
  • Oh the Places You'll Go - Dr. Suess
  • Stone Diary by Carol Shields
  • The Good Heart: Dalai Lama's Perspective on Jesus
  • The Picture of Dorian Grey - Oscar Wilde
  • The Road Less Traveled - M. Scott Peck
  • The Trial - Franz Kafka
  • Women I have Known and Been- Carol Lynn Pearson
  • Women Who Run with the Wolves

My bucket list

  • When I take my last breath, I want to feel that I have left the world a little better than I found it.
  • To create an environment for myself that is full of love, intimacy, people with integrity.
  • To become self-actualized
  • Write a Memoir
  • Create a Counseling Practice that is Holistic and technologically updated
  • Spend a month in Italy
  • Attend a gay pride parade.
  • To love unconditionally, without reservation and without fear.
  • Understand the middle east conflict
  • read every Pulizer Prize work
  • Stop saying "like"
  • See the end of race and gender bias in America
  • Doctorate Degree
  • Attain my idea of physical fitness
  • Tell Barack Obama: "Thank You".

- Barack Obama

"Hope - Hope in the face of difficulty. Hope in the face of uncertainty. The audacity of hope! In the end, that is God's greatest gift to us... A belief in things not seen. A belief that there are better days ahead." 

Chill

Chill

- President Barack Obama

"We have a stake in one another... what binds us together is greater than what drives us apart, and... if enough people believe in the truth of that proposition and act on it, then we might not solve every problem, but we can get something meaningful done for the people with whom we share this Earth." 

If you want to go green. . .

If you want to go green: "It is more important to change your leaders than your lightbulbs."  
       - Friedman's "Hot Flat and Crowded".

Rachel Maddow

Rachel Maddow
"I think infrastructure is sexy."

- Stephen Colbert

"Everyone knows that Cheney's pipe dream is driving a bulldozer into the New York Times while drinking crude oil out of Keith Olbermann's skull. "
                

Mahatma Ghandi

"An error does not become truth by reason of multiplied propagation, nor does truth become error because nobody sees it."

Picture taken by Fareed Zakaria

Picture taken by Fareed Zakaria

Stephen Colbert is so hot!

Stephen Colbert is so hot!
"Going to church is my favorite part of being a believer. On a typical Sunday morning while some people are enjoying brunch or a good tee time, I sit in church imagining them chained to a burning lake of unquenchable fire. You know, it makes even the dullest sermon fly by."

Schreiner University in Early Fall

Schreiner University in Early Fall

The Narrows

The Narrows
Zion National Park 2007

Tracey, Julie and Me - San Francisco 2004

Tracey, Julie and Me - San Francisco 2004

Me and Marcelo 2004

Me and Marcelo 2004
I have to say that my hair never looked better than when I was dating my stylist.

First JV Poker Tournament - 2007

First JV Poker Tournament - 2007

Paula, me and Tami

Paula, me and Tami
New Years 2009

Tami B and me

Tami B and me

Namaste

Namaste-

"I honor the place in you where Spirit lives

I honor the place in you which is

of Love, of Truth, of Light, of Peace,

when you are in that place in you,

and I am in that place in me,

then we are One."

It is pronounced as"Namastay". For Hindus, the greeting of choice is "Namaste," the two hands pressed together and held near the heart with the head gently bowed as one says, "Namaste". Thus it is both a spoken greeting and a gesture, a Mantra and a Mudra. It has been said that the right hand represents the higher nature or that which is divine in us, while the left hand represents the lower, worldly nature. (Paraphrased and directly quoted from taketheleap.com/namaste.htm)

Namaste

Namaste

La Belle Dame Sans Merci

La Belle Dame Sans Merci

Francis Bacon

"Some works are to be tasted, some are to be chewed, and some few to be chewed and digested." 

Jolley Cousins

Jolley Cousins
2005 - Drew and Joan's House

Greg Jolley and Me at 2007 Jolley FR

Greg Jolley and Me at 2007 Jolley FR

Lee Jolley and Me at 2007 Jolley Family Reunion

Lee Jolley and Me at 2007 Jolley Family Reunion

Me, Dan-the-Man-Shoo, Kami

Me, Dan-the-Man-Shoo, Kami
2005

My sister Amber and her son James

My sister Amber and her son James

What I am grateful for. . .

  • 18+ years of legal experience
  • A healthy body.
  • A Heavenly Father's love.
  • Art in all of its forms.
  • Children
  • Dr. Sliva
  • DVR
  • Fred
  • Good Karma
  • HEB gift cards! Thanks honey!
  • Kami Boyt Mirc and Peter Bellon and Tami Boubon. Thanks for your uplifting support.
  • Karl Coates
  • Life lessons that smart.
  • Loving Friends
  • My brother.
  • My capable mind
  • My new friend, Tracy White
  • Pain is my teacher.
  • People who love and support me unfailingly
  • Peter
  • Self-efficacy
  • Starbucks gift cards
  • The influence of Dr. Feltz on my ability to critically think.
  • The Scriptures.

Howard W. Hunter's prayer for all people who inhabit this world.

"To the membership of the church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) and to people everywhere I extend my love. . . I pray that we might treat each other with more kindness, more courtesy, more humility, patience and forgiveness.  I would invite all members of the church to live with ever-more attention to the life and example of Jesus Christ, especially the love, hope, and compassion he displayed."
       -Howard W. Hunter
       Former President of the Church

James Wirth, Justin Kreger & J.R. Drew

James Wirth, Justin Kreger & J.R. Drew
1996

Fremont, California 1993

Fremont, California 1993
San Jose Mission

Jr. Drew, Mitchell Jolley, James Wirth and Shawn - 1996

Jr. Drew, Mitchell Jolley, James Wirth and Shawn - 1996

Blackwood Farm

". . .One can feel desperate at any age, don't you think? The young are eternally desperate, and books, they offer one hope - that a whole universe might open up from between the covers, and falling into that universe, one is saved." 
               - Anne Rice

Drew and I at Gay Bar in San Diego

Drew and I at Gay Bar in San Diego
2007

Me and Kim in San Francisco

Me and Kim in San Francisco

Maui 2006

Maui 2006

The Lady of Shallott

The Lady of Shallott

This is why Drew's hot!

This is why Drew's hot!

Me and Tiffany Childers 1995

Me and Tiffany Childers 1995
The only woman I've ever loved, but was too scared to admit.

Marcelo (Boyfriend 2004)

Marcelo (Boyfriend 2004)

Sonnet 130 (1609)

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun-
Coral is far more red than her lips' red-
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun-
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head:
I have seen roses demasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks,
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound.
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress when she walks treads on the ground.
And yet by heaven I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
              -William Shakespeare

Kenz and Me in Barcelona 2007

Kenz and Me in Barcelona 2007

Zion National Park 2007

Zion National Park 2007
Canyoneering in Keyhole Canyon

Kristalle and me

Kristalle and me
Christmas 2008

Mark Garry and me 2007

Mark Garry and me 2007

G&G Happy Hour 2006

G&G Happy Hour 2006

Joy

"Joy, rather than happiness, is the goal of life, for joy is the emotion which accompanies our fulfilling our natures as human beings. It is based on the experience of one's identity as a being of worth and dignity."
                                                -Rollo May, Existential Psychologist

I miss my Bacchus. He lives in Phoenix now.

I miss my Bacchus. He lives in Phoenix now.

Jason Markle

Jason Markle

Aradia

Aradia
The best Middle Eastern Dance Instructor, ever!

Me on a zipline in Arenal, Costa Rica 2008

Me on a zipline in Arenal, Costa Rica 2008

Gustav Klimt

Gustav Klimt
Watersnakes II
"No man can be called friendless who has God and the companionship of good books." - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Keyhole Canyon, Zion National Park

Keyhole Canyon, Zion National Park

Costa Rica Coffee Plantation

Costa Rica Coffee Plantation

Portland 2006

Portland 2006

Shawn and Aunt Barb - August 2007

Shawn and Aunt Barb - August 2007
Giving Sloan Directions to Kelch Family Reunion

Len and Barb Toy

Len and Barb Toy
My Great Aunt and Uncle

Rainer Maria Rilke

"Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to live the questions themselves. . . the point is to live everything.  Live the question now. Perhaps then, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."                                                     - Rainer Maria Rilke

Pauline, Lewis and Me 1990

Pauline, Lewis and Me 1990
Young Women's Recognition Awards

My first boyfriend - Chris Perdue (1991)

My first boyfriend - Chris Perdue (1991)

My high school crush - Mick Schaffer (1990)

My high school crush - Mick Schaffer (1990)
What is it about me and starving artists?

Daddy's Grave

Daddy's Grave

Daddy in his 20's

Daddy in his 20's

Sloan Jolley

Sloan Jolley

Shawn and Melissa

Shawn and Melissa
We sure do think we are bad-ass!

Bignets in Jackson Square 2004

Bignets in Jackson Square 2004

Me 2004

Me 2004

The Storm, 1880 (French)

The Storm, 1880 (French)
by Pierre Auguste-Cot

Daddy in his 20's

Daddy in his 20's

Prehistory and Childhood

Prehistory and Childhood
Edna (My grandmother)

Pre-history and Childhood

Pre-history and Childhood
Eldon and Leslie's Wedding (Trisha)

Pre-history and Childhood

Pre-history and Childhood
Shawnel and Grandma Edie

Prehistory and Childhood

Prehistory and Childhood
Shawnel and Sloan 1976

Prehistory and Childhood

Prehistory and Childhood
Eldon Jolley and Children Oct. 1979

Prehistory and Childhood

Prehistory and Childhood
Shawnel and Trisha 1985

Pre-history and Childhood

Pre-history and Childhood
Daddy and Michelle - Santa Monica Beach 1985

Prehistory and Childhood

Prehistory and Childhood
Royce, Melissa, Sloan, Trisha, Denise, Daddy, Shawnel, Kyle - 1985

Prehistory and Childhood

Prehistory and Childhood
Kim and Shawn 1990

Darrin, Sandy and Me

Darrin, Sandy and Me
1992
"Education is the great engine of personal development. It is through education that the daughter of a peasant can become a doctor, that a son of a mineworker can become the head of the mine, that a child of a farm worker can become the president of a great nation.  It is what we make out of what we have, not what we are given, that separates one person from another."
                                       -Nelson Mandela

Shawn 2007

My photo
catchingupwithshawn
View my complete profile


Powder (Film) 1995

Powder (Film) 1995
"We are all connected. There's no need to hide, or lie. And it's possible to talk to someone without any lies, with no sarcasms, no deceptions, no exaggerations or any of the things people use to confuse the truth."

Gay Marriage or Civil Unions?

Gay Marriage or Civil Unions?

Hillary and Julie Goodridge, a same-sex couple in Massachusetts, have a daughter who was five years old in 2001. One evening the three of them were listening to old Beatles tunes; specifically “All You Need is Love”.  Her parents asked her if she knew people who loved each other. The little girl named some married couples. Her parents then asked her if she thought her parents loved each other. Her answer was: “No, if you loved each other, you would get married” (Jost, 2003). Bill Flanigan and Robert Daniel, a gay couple living in San Francisco had pour-over wills, living wills, and health-care proxy documents prepared. However, when Daniel was dying in the hospital, doctors and nurses refused to allow Bill and Daniel their last moments together with which to say goodbye because Bill was not Daniel’s “next of kin” (Jost, 2003). The sad but true reality is that the current federal laws today do not guarantee that government and state entities will honor the proxy and health directive documents of same sex couples. If civil unions were a matter of federal law and provided the necessary rights that traditionally married couples enjoy, after a few years time for the opposition to acclimate, the legalizing of same sex marriage would not be such an insurmountable mental leap. If I’m wrong, and same sex marriage does not become legal nationally, then at least most of the rights currently denied them would cease to be.

Some of those who oppose same-sex marriage argue gay marriage will result in marriage instability, and harm marriage in general. After careful research, this author has found no evidence supporting that claim. How would granting marriage to one couple have any affect another married couple? Lynn Wardle, a professor at Brigham Young University, has a great deal to say on the significance of marriage. “Marriage is the most preferred institution in the law, and for good reason. It contributes to a society in which rights, values, and cultures are passed on, and liberties are protected. It is critical to our way of life” (Jost, 2003). Same-sex couples couldn’t agree more, and that is why they seek marriage equality. The United States has the highest divorce rate of any of the industrialized countries. It seems that heterosexual marriages are not as stable as is argued and the claim that heterosexuals respect the institution of marriage and homosexuals would not is really not borne out by the evidence. Certainly, same sex couples granted the right to marry will strengthen those families, the community, the economy, and would mean a great deal to those children who share the schoolyard with children whose parents do enjoy the rights of marriage. “We know that marriage increases stability of opposite sex couples, why would it not do the same for same sex couples?” (Jost, 2008).

Since the 1996 Federal Defense of Marriage Act “DOMA”, states are not required to honor same sex marriages performed in other states. Since then, several states’ Supreme Courts have made decisions holding that it is unconstitutional to choose for a person whom he or she may marry. This led to states voting on propositions to retract these decisions and the opposition’s effort to create state constitutional amendments redefining marriage, essentially circumventing marriage equality for many years. Today, gay rights proponents do not have sufficient votes in Congress to accomplish gay marriage. 

Currently, ten states and the District of Columbia permit some legal recognition of same sex couples, with four states acknowledging civil unions. Twenty-six states that have passed constitutional amendments defining marriage as between one man and one woman, and 17 others that have statutory bans on same-sex marriage (Jost, 2008). Currently, Congress is dominated by more liberal members than conservative members, more open-minded than reactionary, and our President has come out in favor of civil unions. 

On November 3, 2009, Super Tuesday, in the State of Washington Referendum 71 (Washington Ballot, 2009), which concerns domestic partnerships (another name for civil unions) was submitted by the Secretary of State for a vote, which reads: “Same-sex couples, or any couple that includes one person age sixty-two or older, may register as a domestic partnership with the state. Registered domestic partnerships are not marriages, and marriage is prohibited except between one man and one woman. This bill would expand the rights, responsibilities, and obligations of registered domestic partners and their families to include all rights, responsibilities, and obligations granted by or imposed by state law on married couples and their families.” Maine voted on a similar provision. The choice was between repealing the law allowing same sex couples to marry. In 2008, Arizona, Arkansas, California and Florida considered this issue. Many pundits expected the domestic partnership provision to pass, but the same sex marriage law to be repealed. They were correct in their prediction. Unfortunately, most States' legislatures are not yet ready to grant gays and lesbians the right to marry, but seem to be willing to afford them the rights that a civil union/domestic partnership would impart. It makes rational sense, then, to take a realistic approach to an idealistic goal. I propose activists, lobbyists, and others of influence immediately commence work with members of congress who support civil unions to develop a comprehensive bill providing for a federal law permitting Americans to enter into civil unions, which must incorporate most implied rights afforded those that can legally marry. 

In a few years, the LGBT community can begin anew the quest for the right to marry. During the intervening time between the two crusades, those Americans who have previously been opposed to gay marriage will be exposed to, and consequently potentially more comfortable with same sex couples in committed, legal domestic partnerships.  Indeed, those Americans will see that the sky did not fall, and their straight sons and daughters are still straight.

Some gay marriage activists feel that an executive order legalizing gay marriage is the right course of action at this time. President Obama does not agree, for he is a constitutionalist, and as such, a big proponent of states’ rights and regardless of his personal feelings, will not attempt to override states’ rights with the use of an executive order. For a constitutionalist, this is sacrilege! Further, an executive order would merely be a temporary fix if not ultimately overturned by a 2/3 vote in Congress. Considering the current direction of the Republican party today, it is safe to predict that if a Republican is the next President, any gay marriage executive order would be the first to go. President Obama clearly states his position, “He [President Obama] supports full civil unions and federal rights for LGBT couples and opposes a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage.  He supports repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell in a sensible way that strengthens our armed forces and our national security, and also believes that we must ensure adoption rights for all couples and individuals, regardless of their sexual orientation” (whitehouse.gov, 2009).  Further, this author opines that it is noteworthy to explicate the division of power held within our government so that there is no confusion. The President does not legislate, he carries out what has been legislated, as was the intention of our forefathers.  A President, can, however, suggest legislation to Congress.

I asked a few of my friends who are openly gay this question: “Do you think that the President should immediately sign an executive order legalizing same sex marriage on the federal level, or would federal legislation providing for civil unions for same sex couples satisfy you until Congress passes a law to make gay marriage legal at some point in the future? My friend, Mark, answered as follows: “Working in concert with congress is always the best way. An executive order can simply be changed in four or eight years. I’m not stuck on the word marriage. I think that there should be a civil union box that anyone can exercise. A right that affords all the same rights as marriage without trumping theology. I think that is still dangerous ground to think that the United States is more powerful in the court of world opinion than the Vatican. I feel the President really understands this.  So let’s make room at the table without turning the table over...” My other gay friends: Jason, and Richard agree with Mark’s assessment. My straight best friend Peter B. says: "Why not let them be just as miserable in marriage as the rest of us."  Did I mention Peter B. is a divorce attorney? 

Who or what has the authority to marry individuals? The authority to marry resides with the state and always has been so. The state issues marriage licenses and grants individuals of churches, and secular individuals the right to officiate in marriage ceremonies.  In fact, virtually anyone can marry two competent people (so long as the couple comprises one man and one women), provided that the officiant can prepare the proper document and submit it to the state for validation.  Therefore, it is the state that validates and grants the right to marry. Why then should churches have the power to influence state law concerning marriage?  “Every religion can decide for itself whether to perform or honor any marriage”, says Evan Wolfson, a gay-rights litigator of Freedom to Marry, “but no religion should be able to dictate who gets a civil marriage license” (Jost, 2003). Yet, most churches are very vocally against marriage equality and use their political power to influence the decision makers in the state. Churches should not become lobbyists. This is a direct violation of the First Amendment. This issue is most certainly not about what two consenting adults do, but about the separation of church and state.   Notwithstanding the risk of political suicide, legislators must realize that it is wrong to allow religion to decide who can marry. The power rests with the state to sanction and churches to bless marriage. Until states rightfully take back this power, the discrimination against gays and lesbians seeking marriage persists.

An example of such overt religious intrusion on state’s rights is the Mormon Church’s opposition to marriage equality. “On June 29, 2008, a letter from church leadership was read at every Mormon congregation in California saying, “We ask that you do all you can to support the proposed constitutional amendment by donating of your means and time to assure that marriage in California is legally defined as being between a man and a woman.” The Church itself denies contributing to the campaign. However, a request from the prophet to campaign and make donations to its California membership is just as valuable. Hence, this denial of involvement is disingenuous, at best. “Mormons responded avidly, reportedly raising more than half the money to fund the Proposition 8 campaign and playing an indispensable role in the initiative’s ground operation.” (Jost, 2008) 

In the Bible, King James Version, Leviticus 18:22, it is written: “Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is an abomination.” Some interpret this scripture as God’s rejection of homosexuality.  If a person believes that everything written in the Old Testament from God, then stoning women for infidelity, sex between old men and young daughter, and the selling of man’s daughter for another man’s sexual pleasure is sanctioned by God. It doesn’t make any rational sense to equate sexual orientation with murder, incest and sexual slavery. Christian historians agree that the contents of the Bible were written at different times in history by different people at least 100+ years after Jesus’ birth, and canonized (the portions decided upon for inclusion) by a group of men (probably straight men) several hundred years after Jesus’ birth.

The person Christians look to for guidance, worship and emulate, Jesus Christ himself, never taught anything approaching Leviticus 18:22. In fact, he exemplified unconditional love and acceptance of all humankind, and preached the same at all times. John 15:12 reads: “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you”. Jesus’ words are clear. I have found no passage of scripture within the four Gospels (the books of the Bible where Jesus is quoted) that one group should be entitled, and another rejected. Quite the opposite. According to Jesus, no church nor body politic has the right to say whom a person may love, for He asks us to love all. How, then, can we emulate Him, and proclaim that we love all if we reject some for something they cannot choose, and exclude them from fundamental rights?

Another argument against gay marriage is that marriage has always been between a man and a women. But this is not necessarily so. In Old Testament times, marriage was between one man and as many women as he could afford. In many cultures, this is still the norm. In some Asian countries, a married couple enters into a transaction with concubines for the husband. This contract is legally enforceable. In other cultures, there have always been forced and arranged marriages between men and young girls. Hence, the “one man and one women” marriage contract is a rather new and western notion. As a straight woman, the best option so far.  In between the pages of scripture and history, we do find that homosexuality has been with us since the inception of record keeping. Indeed, we don’t learn about David and Jonathan or Ruth and Naomi in Sunday School. We don’t learn about Plato’s discourse on same sex love, nor Nero’s wedding ceremony to his male lover Sporus in World History class, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

Sexuality is a very nebulous thing. The American Psychological Association defines sexual orientation as follows: “Sexual Orientation exists along a continuum that ranges from exclusive homosexuality to exclusive heterosexuality and includes various forms of bisexuality. Bisexual persons can experience sexual, emotional and affectional attraction to both their own sex and the opposite sex (Univ. of Illinois, 2009). The underlying issue concerning whether gays and lesbians should be allowed to marry has its origin in this question: Can a person choose his or her sexual orientation?  If I were to ask a heterosexual person if he/she can fundamentally change and become attracted to predominantly same sex persons, he/she would likely respond that it just isn’t possible. Why then, is this still a question? Dr. Alfred Kinsey, in his famous Kinsey Reports, discloses that it is normal for heterosexual person to have thoughts, dreams or even fantasies about members of the same sex. For some, this is not easily acceptable, I am sure. Yet, isn't it easier to accept a rational concept and rid ourselves of any guilt for our dreams, or thoughts.  Most of Kinsey's participants that took his Heterosexual/Homosexual Rating Scale found that they were not 100% heterosexual or homosexual but somewhere in between. The study occurred in the 1950’s, yet so many Americans refuse to accept it as factually sound. 

Since the 1950’s, there have been empirical and longitudinal studies involving twins, environmental factors, birth order, genetics, brain structure, chromosome linkage, and the physiological differences in gay men and lesbians. The findings are that no single cause for same sex attraction can be determined to date. That there are several factors contributing to sexual orientation is not a surprise to scientists, for it is widely accepted that gender specific behavior is certainly affected by biology, genetics, family of origin norms, and culture. Further, there is compelling evidence that homosexuals do not feel a sense of free choice concerning whom they feel attracted to or with whom they fall in love (American Psychological Association, 2009). For that matter, neither do heterosexuals. At least not this heterosexual, although sometimes I wish I could.

Some who oppose gay marriage do so because “only the relationship between a man and a woman has a natural association with the generation of new children” says Daniel Avila, an attorney with Mass. Catholic Conference (Jost, 2008). My straight maintenance man agrees. Our conversation went something like this: I said: “My aunt just got married and she can’t have children. Should she be denied the right to marry?” His retort: “Of course not, and gay people can get married if they become straight.” My reply: “What if the law was different and only same-sex marriages were legal. Could you become gay in order to get married?” He stated that he could not. With tightness in fist and lips, I said: “So if people are just like you, they can have the same rights but if they are different, they don’t deserve them?” Avila and the maintenance man forget those heterosexual couples that marry without the intention to procreate, or intend to adopt, or are passed child bearing years. “There is something creepily authoritarian and insulting about reducing marriage to procreation, as if intimacy mattered less than biological fitness” (Pollitt, 2003). It is clear that this argument for excluding homosexuals from marriage is not sound, but frankly bogus. Procreation is not the real reason, but a red herring. The rejection of a “different” sexual orientation is the real reason for excluding homosexuals. This is discrimination, purely, simply and blatantly.

The American Academy of Pediatrics opine that “children raised in families with gay or lesbian parents fare as well overall as children raised in opposite sex households” (Hyde & DeLamater, 2005). It is common knowledge among psychologists, whose work is informed by Freud, Maslow, Adler, Rogers, and others, that unconditional love, conscious attention, and healthy boundaries are the most important elements of good parenting. Ancillary to those, but also important, are teaching culturally accepted gender roles. This can be meaningfully provided to a child of a same sex couple by incorporating family members and friends into the child’s life for that purpose. Divorced and single parents have the same dilemma. This by no means suggests that children do not need both parents. However, two same sex parents with sufficient energy, time and resources to care for a child is better than one. If we are to swallow whole the notion that gays and lesbians should not be allowed to raise children because there exists a lack of opposite sex parents in the home, then should we refuse to allow single parents the right to bring up their children or refuse married couples to divorce?  Of course not. One of our core democratic beliefs is such that every human being is endowed with the right to seek his or her own happiness. Likewise, it is not logical to refuse the same rights to gays and lesbians who are, by all legal and rational definitions, fit to care for their children.

One may go farther still, and argue that gays and lesbians potentially make better parents because they are sensitive to emotional hardship and disappointments from their own life experiences, and therefore more capable of caring for a child in times of hardship or trauma than those of us who have no such experience from which to draw.  

Some who oppose same sex marriage have no objection to gay couples enjoying some of the benefits of marriage, as long as marriage itself is reserved for heterosexuals. In interviewing straight people within my association, this is by far the most popular view. This argument is about phraseology. Applying the word “marriage” to gays and lesbians conveys equality. Using another word, such as “civil union” to many gay and lesbians is akin to the “separate but equal” Jim Crow laws of yesteryear. Regardless of the right or scenario, the selfish disdain for the feelings of others, the denial of fundamental rights, and attitudes of entitlement are all ugly parts of the human condition.  

 Civil unions and domestic partnerships do not offer the entire range of rights and benefits that marriage conveys. Wolfson states “civil marriage is a powerful and important affirmation of love, a source of social recognition and support, and the legal gateway to a vast array of protections, responsibilities and benefits most of which cannot be replicated in any other way” (Jost, 2003). My gay friend, David K. explains that there are, in fact, 1,049 rights automatically conveyed to couples as shown on the U.S. General Accounting Office’s Report.  In the interest of brevity, the more significant rights are as follows: the right to place your partner on your health and life insurance policies as dependants and beneficiaries; the right of survivorship with regard to the transfer of real property upon death of a partner; the right to name a partner as guardian in case of mental/physical incapacity for the purpose of making health care decisions; the right to health care; citizenship for spouses, and the right to file a joint tax return. When civil unions are federally recognized, the above provisions may be added to a civil union/domestic partnership contract, and a copy of which may be provided to various governmental agencies and businesses to be honored. In an attempt to show forth a good example, the President has directed some governmental agencies to place same sex partners on insurance policies of government employees.  Certainly, a federal law permitting civil unions is arguably more effective and more easily attainable than the one for marriage equality, at least today.

During the course of research for this author’s claim, that the effort made toward the federal legalization of civil unions, considering today’s political climate, would derive more success than an effort to legalize same sex marriage, a deepening of understanding and a strengthening of compassion and empathy for those experiencing this struggle occurred. If rights as fundamental as marriage are reserved for some and not all of our country’s citizens, than we are not a nation of equal rights. Playwright Eugene Ionesco said, "Ideology separates us. Dreams and anguish bring us together." If we are to evolve as a people, the inclusion of all citizens, not a division between those that are entitled and those that are not, must prevail and as such, marriage equality must be the next step in our evolution as Americans and as a people. 
Simple theme. Powered by Blogger.